Rebecca St. James is the archetypical Good Christian Girl of today’s contemporary Christian music/film industry. She is the role model to chaste teen Christian girls, and the fantasy of every Christian man (Indeed, in this case, the difference between the secular man and the Christian man is that a secular man will fantasize about having sex with her, while the Christian man will fantasize about marrying her in Prince Charming Fashion, only to have the fantasy within the fantasy about having sex with her). What makes her so loved? She’s a virgin at the age of thirty-three and she’s still waiting for her “holy hunk.” She’s neither being married nor had many boyfriends, despite being a really attractive lady.
Her music perfectly fits the bland status of Christian music. She doesn’t play any instruments and her singing is average. Here are some photos of her. She’s as attractive as she was ten or twelve years ago. So she has good genes, and she seems decently intelligent judging from interviews. That makes her a good marriage prospect if you are simply interested in having good looking, decently intelligent children.
But I’m not maligning her desire for chastity, a traditional Christian marriage, or that others follow her path. I agree with her on most accounts. But I’m going to make the case that she is harming her very own cause. How so? She has been waiting to damn long and I doubt she will ever find a husband of her choosing without settling.
There a a number of reasons one of which is demographics (I’ll present other reasons in future posts). There is a brilliant article written by Mark Renerus in which he discusses the ratio of Christian men to women:
Unfortunately, American evangelicals have another demographic concern: The ratio of devoutly Christian young women to men is far from even. Among evangelical churchgoers, there are about three single women for every two single men. This is the elephant in the corner of almost every congregation—a shortage of young Christian men.
Try counting singles in your congregation next Sunday. Evangelicals make much of avoiding being unequally yoked, but the fact that there are far more spiritually mature young women out there than men makes this bit of advice difficult to follow. No congregational program or men’s retreat in the Rocky Mountains will solve this. If she decides to marry, one in three women has no choice but to marry down in terms of Christian maturity. Many of the hopeful ones wait, watching their late 20s and early 30s arrive with no husband. When the persistent longing turns to deep disappointment, some decide that they didn’t really want to marry after all.
Given this unfavorable ratio, and the plain fact that men are, on average, ready for sex earlier in relationships than women are, many young Christian women are being left with a dilemma: either commence a sexual relationship with a decent, marriage-minded man before she would prefer to—almost certainly before marriage—or risk the real possibility that, in holding out for a godly, chaste, uncommon man, she will wait a lot longer than she would like. Plenty will wait so long as to put their fertility in jeopardy. By that time, the pool of available men is hardly the cream of the crop—and rarely chaste. I know, I know: God has someone in mind for them, and it’s just a matter of time before they meet. God does work miracles. But the fact remains that there just aren’t as many serious Christian young men as there are women, and the men know it.
As we see, the longer St. James waits for her man, the likelier she won’t find him. Suppose the statistic is correct: there are three single Christian girls for two every single Christian men. Call the girls Alice, Betty, and Candy; call the guys Dave and Ed. Alice, Betty, and Candy are praying for the same thing: a good Christian man. Alice and Betty meet Dave and Ed, they fall in love, and marry. Alice and Betty praise God for answering their prayers. Yet this means that God answered “no” to Candy’s prayer. For God to answer “yes,” He would have to miraculously create another single Christian man, and you and I both know God isn’t likely to do such a thing.
But the problem is even worse than that for St. James. As she waits longer, the pool of good men shrinks. At her age, she will have to marry someone in his mid to late thirties or even early forties. A single guy at that age is either divorced (What is the reason he divorced? This is a potential mark against him), never married (Why hasn’t he ever married? This is another potential mark against him), or a rich, alpha playboy (He can have his choice of any girl, and it won’t be St. James. He will go for someone much younger and more beautiful, even if he wants a good Christian girl).
Rebecca St. James and all good Christian girls should look at Haley’s Halo for good advice in the Christian dating scene. Guys should look at Dalrock.
Aunt Haley
29 July 2010
Hey, I found your blog through a comment you left on mine.
Totally agree with everything in this post (including the quality of Rebecca St. James’s music). If anyone should have been able to find a high-quality Christian husband with ease, it’s Rebecca St. James. Probably her standards are too high, either because she wrote out a list at age 15 that is impossible for the average Christian man to meet, or because her career success has put her at a status level that makes the average Christian man unappealing and her too intimidating.
Thanks also for the blog pimpage!
Lover of Wisdom
30 July 2010
No problem, Aunt Haley. I found your blog a few days ago and find it impressive. St. James seems to have a good head on her shoulders, so I think it could be a factor of her success making finding “Mr. Right” counterproductive. Just like guys find highly intelligent women potentially unattractive, guys find her high career status potentially unattractive, unless guys greatly surpass it. A superstar rich musician will find her as another average Christian girl.
It seems like she is a victim of her own success, which begs the question: What guy would actually be a good mate for her? This is a different question from: What guy will she actually be attracted to?
Aunt Haley
30 July 2010
Lover of Wisdom – you’re not really begging the question, you’re just raising it. (Sorry, pet peeve of mine, and I see this all the time.)
Usually women in St. James’s career position marry their managers or producers, or another singer/musician. IIRC, St. James is managed by her father or he at least wields great influence in her career, so there goes that option. Most Christians in the biz are usually married. All she really needs is a nice, Christian alpha who is okay with having a famous, successful wife. Unfortunately, such alphas are nearly non-existent. Maybe an ex-professional athlete…but then she would have to come to grips with his sexual past. Someone help her snag Tim Tebow before it’s too late!
Lover of Wisdom
31 July 2010
I know you are joking, but do you think she could snag Tim when he has this?
Aunt Haley
1 August 2010
If Tim is dating that girl, he’s going to be married within a year…or he’s just not that interested in sex. With women.
Lover of Wisdom
6 January 2011
St. James is getting married! See here for the details.
Thanks to Aunt Haley for info.
Svar
20 August 2011
Good post. I never about this blog until I followed it via Haley’s Halo.
Svar
20 August 2011
“I never about this blog”
I never knew about this blog